The Blank Page

Today’s one of those days where I’m staring at one, so I’m going to write about it.

“Getting started is the hardest part”, they say—except the thing I’m currently staring at is a re-write. I’ve technically “started” once before, but I could also say I’m starting it over again.

If I were to pull up a snapshot of this same story from last year, it wouldn’t be unrecognizable (at least not the first couple of chapters), but a lot of content I had planned was scrapped or changed, and a couple of things were added.

One of the major hang-ups with this project is how I keep penning snippets that look promising at the time, then hours to days to weeks later I’m back in there tearing it all apart.

All part of the process, I suppose, but I’m getting impatient because it’s impossible to see where I’ve made progress if changes keep happening. Not even corrections but stylistic changes—changing the flow of each individual sentence!

Worse, I’m such a beast of habit that continuing to make changes until the end of time is a real possibility, else I end up scrapping (more often, shelving) projects which don’t seem to be going anywhere. There’s a lot going on even when there’s not a lot going on.

I wish I could say I’ve found a solution, because I’ve tried all kinds of things and none of it seems to stick for very long. If it’s a mind-over-matter issue then I don’t know. My mind is stuck in a logic loop again.

I could either fumble around with my outline some more or go back to staring. Breaks haven’t helped much. My mind wanders back to the project.

~Niki

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